With so many things competing for our day-to-day attention, it is sometimes quite hard to believe that there are only six weeks to go before 2019 ends. I woke up at 3:30 pm today, wondering where the hell has my day gone, but I guess the better question should be, where has my year been?
I’ve spent most of the year with the goal of fixing my life, hopeful about allocating more time to pursuits I’m really passionate about, trying ever so much to spend weekends with friends and fam, and just generally rediscovering how to better love myself. And at every turn, not only had I found a good excuse not to make the best out of my time but also thought my treatments got a huge chunk of that. I also had work 5x a week, I had an apartment that needed weekly TLC, and, oh, of course, I needed long hours of sleep to recover from life, haha.
So while I wasn’t housecleaning or working or sleeping, I’d say most of my waking hours had been devoted to a lot of wasteful things. There, I said it. We all have that bad habit of being ever so tied to our phones and iPads, and I admit, that’s where a huge part of my time went. If I had not been busy expanding my lovely town in Simcity, I was probably placing bets in Zynga Poker, or watching the latest video from my ever growing list of YouTube subscriptions. These days, it is quite challenging for me to be bored. There’s always another info I need to Google, a new episode that Netflix alerts me on, countless new eye candy in Pinterest to dream about.
Which is why, at this point in time, I feel that here I am, trying to count the things that I haven’t accomplished thus far. Earlier this year, I’ve made the convenient excuse that my apartment wasn’t spacious enough to accommodate my interests but then I moved places halfway through, and then my excuse had been, “I needed time to settle in.” I’ve been wanting to write new posts on here, and oh there had been many attempts as evidenced by my 10 or so draft pieces that never had been published. I had wanted to be able to create new artworks, which I thought I’d be able to sell around the holidays, but I’ve only managed to do one test print, and then…nada. I’ve started many little pet projects at home, but cleaning my apartment was a more pressing to-do than finishing that little dollhouse or that weaving project I picked up two weeks ago.
But I beat myself up too much, I think. Because I do have some things to show 2019 for. At the top of that list are my kids, now all geared up for the adult world and hopefully I’ve equipped with just the right amount of spunk for them to be more successful than I had been. There’s also the new children’s book I’ve worked on in February all through April which is something I’m just so terribly proud of. And then my apartment of course, which at the end of a long workday, has become my absolute sanctuary.
Yes, my home has been set up for so many weeks now, all ready for the things I wanted to pursue, to accomplish, to finish. I’ve had a new work desk that’s been sitting here for three months, perhaps wanting to see me finish another illo; my tools and gadgets all arranged in neat little drawers beside it. They all wait, until maybe come the day when I no longer have an excuse not to do all these.
Waking up today, maybe I was bitten by this time-to-get-serious bug because I felt I needed to just stop goofing around. I’ve been reorganising my physical space for months now, and today I’ve written down all of my goals, in the hopes that this action somehow concretises it. Maybe it worked too, because after all that reviewing, well hey, I’ve a new blog post to show for.
Press x to continue, that’s what my game console says. Well here I am, doing a hard press on that x.
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Pictured: My work desk, trying to be pretty
Finally Dee 