Not quite sure if it’s by design or if my state of affairs just naturally fell into place. Maybe it’s both but at this point I’m just relieved that the worst of times has ended and this month has brought a sprinkling of shiny prospects worth getting excited about.
I say it’s by design because at the tail end of December, between that quiet of Christmas and New Year’s, I went about decluttering my life.
For starters, I took three full days to comb through my apartment, following the detailed Konmari method of discarding intensely and completely. Yes, completely. I’ve managed to go through every single effin’ thing I owned, sorting clothing and accessories, books and papers, miscellany. It wasn’t easy; at the onset of tackling each prescribed category, I asked myself if I really wanted to do the exercise because it was so daunting but I plowed through, excited to see what the results will look like.
Anything that didn’t bring joy, anything that was even slightly broken, anything I haven’t laid eyes on for so many years, anything unused in the last few months, any old thing that only brought painful memories…all went to the trash pile. I admit, there were plenty of pauses and weird conversations in my head during but I had been quite unforgiving. In the end, I’ve eliminated ten big garbage bagful of whatnots, and I’m still trying to scale down. (Oh and because you’re still interested, it included all of yours, Humvee; I’m addressing you coz you’re here, snooping around).
Anyhow, it didn’t stop with just the physical space. Having been forced to cut ties with ehhrrrm some folks, I took to social media to further trim friends lists, unfollow people I no longer have interest in knowing, say goodbye to friendships that have reached the end of the road. I’ve cleared my phone book of people who’ve disconnected, deleted photos of experiences I’d rather forget, removed apps I no longer enjoyed. Last year, I made the biggest mistake of dragging a big, bald, fat asshat into my life but have finally gotten rid of that useless gnarly ball, too. Throughout this decluttering exercise, I continued clearing my mind with meditation and yoga.
And now my living space and my state of being feel loads lighter. It’s liberating.
With all these free space, everything sorta found its own sweet spot, its own space in my little universe. Yeah, things always fall into place. They always do. And with less things to clean up, I had actually spent more time this month…reading, an activity that’s been thoroughly missed.
Yes, this month has been particularly slower and kinder and certainly started with me feeling a little luckier: spent the wee hours of the NY in a casino, dragged by a friend who felt lucky, but it was I who went home a few thousand richer. Not bad, January, you’re not bad at all.
But truth be told, I’m not 100% better, just getting there, maybe it’ll come next week, next month. All throughout the last few months I’m aware that I had been impatient. I had been wanting get to this moment quickly, is all. Somehow, here I am halfway thru but dammit I got here. I hate this shape sorter game, life. I don’t like it all but hell you always make me play, so whatever. Lemme just trudge along, til I get all your shapes figured out.
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Pictured: Wine choices at Chateau Hestia Garden Restaurant
Finally Dee 