Driving

It was close to midnight tonight, yeah thereabouts, that I traveled home from work. I booked the usual car and I settled in as we plowed through traffic-ridden C5. Sitting in there, I thought well hey this is nice: the temp was just right, the interior smelled surprisingly sweet, with that new car smell, and in there, the outside noise was muffled; I was in a neat vacuum and thaaat’s juuust fiiine. I allowed gravity to pull me down in a state of relaxation and I leaned back some more, let my mind wander off.

‘Tis during these moments, when my head goes off to play, these idle moments when I’m forced to not do anything — just sit and stare and wait it out — that weird thoughts hit me. And so it was there while we were cruising a slow 30kph when I thought, what if life, well OK, my life, was just a loooong car ride?

That’s how it really feels like too, y’know? I sit and say, well look it’s a mighty fine ride but then I’m here and people are out there. So then I wanna be so not here. I sit and say, well look I’m kinda cozy here but then again I look at my watch and ask, what time will I ever get there? So then I would like to get there, purrty please. I sit and say well I’m fine in my own little place but then here nothing’s a-happening. So then can ya just take me to where the action is. I guess I’s just wanna get there, wherever the eff THERE is; because as always I’m neither here nor there, I’m still traveling, wondering what it’s like to reach that point.

Always wanting something to be had. At work, I force my mind to focus because these days all I could think of is being home, in this happy place, my sweet haven. And so I plow through the day, willing the time to fly. And as I lay in bed, at 2 in the effin morning, I can’t seem to let my mind stop, no, not even for sleep. My mind wanders still to the next pit stop, the next morning, the following to-do, the succeeding milestone, because that’s just the way mine works. The cycle goes and on I go. And with each little step, perhaps just perhaps, I’ll get there. Dammit, lemme get there.

And so I get up, write a tidbit about these thoughts, scan through my notebooks, looking for something, anything, to keep my hands busy, for an inspiration, eternally chasing the dream, elusive as it may seem. The dream weaves differently though and varies based on my state of affairs, but usually falls in these general categories: dreamy sleep, a good meal and fine wine shared with those near and dear, a relaxing vacation never mind if it’s just around here, and loads of free time for music and art and all dem eye and ear candies.

Yeah, tonight it feels like I’m still driving, plodding to where we’s wanted to be. But we are nearly there, love, just hang tight, we’s gonna be alright.

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Pictured: Restaurant sign from now-defunct Nolita