I’ve been meaning to write a Facebook post on the changes that are happening to me this week but I realized a mere one-liner will just not cut it. See, I’m in the midst of making the big move, on getting sweet, sweet independence, and after years and years of thinking it in my head, after months and months of keeping up with Pinterest posts, after weeks and weeks of budgeting and scrimping, the day has come.
Finally, Dee.
In the last week, I’ve managed to fold things here so I can open up a whole new world there. And it’s been a crazy, sentimental roller coaster ride for me. I threw out decade-old memories which I dug out from unopened boxes from my last move; there were letters, tickets, postcards, stickers, paper whatnots. I swam in my old artworks, wondering which doodles to keep, which versions I should let go. I browsed through my journals–from when I was 17 to when I was 37–and I had been awash by emotions old and new. I discarded magazine clippings, paperbacks, gifted thingamagigs, trinkets; what used to be special but now merely junk. And in every moment, a debate went on inside my head. If it brought up old wounds, my hand was quick to let go; if it can’t be replaced, I held it close and smiled as I decided to hold on to the memory. 10,000 arguments inside my head and I am just halfway done.
I was so overwhelmed too by deciding on what to purchase, which from among my dozens of want and needs do I prioritize: which shelving style, what color couch, is it budget over what’s pretty, something sturdy or something chic? And as always I turned to my tribe, asked for their opinion, leaned towards what most suggested, dragged my feet on some decisions when I knew that I would ultimately go that way anyway. It was easy to let go of monies when I fell in love with something or when my feet had been too tired. But in the end, the decision was all mine. Yes, just mine. And that is what gives me the biggest Cheshire grin inside.
I know, I know, it will be too hard to hide the excitement. As I said I’m only halfway done, there’s still the unboxing and that’s a whole new phase of decision making. So please forgive me if in the next few weeks you find me an asshat for talking silly about my place, my this, my that. I will try to listen to you, to be less distracted, to let go of the little debates in my head–about how best to hang artworks and what to cook for breakfast because duh I have a dining table now and it needs to feel loved. I apologize to you now for being the cheapskate who will skip the 150 peso coffee, for being the party pooper who will choose to stay in. Because that’s what it will be methinks.
Of my #thisis40 escapades, this one prob’ly tops it all. And that’s what this adventure is all about: being ok to be a li’l scared but taking the leap still. Because dammit this time the road forks yet again and though it will be tough, I choose the sweeter path.
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Hello, love; I’m home.
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Pictured: Tea box
Finally Dee 