I may have very well been a fool. See, all my life I’ve lived by this golden rule: to listen to the voice inside me, the one that s’posedly rings the truest, that which once I heed shall lead me to happiness. Yep, I’ve always gone down the path where my stupid gut feel had asked me to.
‘Follow your heart, dear, and ye shall never go wrong.’ All these fancy fairy tales and parody of poetries, these sappy sad songs and good ol’ granny’s advice, these questionable quotes and volumes on values and virtues — what if they were just mistaken? What if I had only been lured, ruled by my crazies?
Perfection, happiness, all these ever-elusive states of being — these days they are seeming delusions, lies laid onto us by seekers and believers who probably do not know any better. Ah but that’s the plight of being human, isn’t it, to feel dissatisfied and thus seek more?
What a useless exercise it was, it is; that’s what my heart tells me now. And it seems that I am not alone here. One of my closest friends had posed a similar conundrum recently. All my life, said he, I followed the rules of the book; took care of my family; worked hard, such long hours that even when I’m tired I knew I can’t stop; gave all I can, game face on, always; I figured, if I lived by doing things right, then it’ll be all right. Even so, everything still didn’t end up in his favor. No answers for us so it seems, just more questions.
So…what is the point of this piece? Perhaps there isn’t. Maybe I’m thinking I should take this state of dissatisfaction as my cue to continue seeking, to still open up my heart despite being broken, to smell the roses, to rise above, to change make changes embrace change, despite what my heart tells me — that all this is just a fucking useless exercise.
Maybe so, maybe so.
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Pictured: why from Why Guy, a graffiti artist from around my ‘hood
Finally Dee 